you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
no, he came in my armpit
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
