He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
