Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
