Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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