I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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