don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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