She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
