I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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