I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
