it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
