She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
