that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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