This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
