Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize