Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
