Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
