i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
