I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
