the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
