She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
