I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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