oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I licked your asshole in confidence.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
