You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize