i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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