did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
