i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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