It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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