mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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