Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
