he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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