I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
