We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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