I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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