Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
