Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
