I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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