Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
