I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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