Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
