I think i peed on brittanys purse
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
