lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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