Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
