is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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