i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i can't believe i had my finger in that
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
