I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
