If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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