"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
