Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
