I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
