She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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