Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
