the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
