You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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