In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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