is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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