i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
