I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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