My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize