I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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