I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
