When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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