let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
