so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
