I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
