I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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