Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize