we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
