I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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