wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
