i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
