No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
