you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
