yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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