dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
