Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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