Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
