I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize