Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
