You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
