I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
