As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
