Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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