So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
