guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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