i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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