Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
