I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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