Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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